Have you ever experienced heartbreak through your grown child’s actions? If you have, then well, you’re most likely to have gone through a tough time trying to comprehend the situation. When this happens, it may even make you tear up.
When your grown child breaks your heart, it’s difficult to withstand the situation. No parent would ever want to imagine their grown child’s actions hurting them. It would create a very gloomy feeling.
As a parent, you encourage your child to do the right things from their early days. You want to see them become competent adults you can be proud of. So, it’s better to learn some of the calming strategies for kids.
Your child may turn into an adult, but your unconditional love and care for them remain the same. But, it is difficult to deal with when your grown child breaks your heart. It is because your child becomes less dependent on you. Your grown child starts taking responsibilities and decisions on their own.
Besides there will be a lot of harmful habits as smoking, alcohol or free roulette demo. So it is really great to talk always with your children, ask about the school problems etc.
How Can a Grown Child Break Your heart?
Well, any negative step that your grown child takes would significantly worry you. But what are some of the cases that could certainly make you feel miserable? It could be your child screaming and raising their voice towards or against you at a basic level. It could be your grown child disobeying your command or request.
At an extreme level, it could be your grown child saying something like: “I wish you weren’t my dad/mom”, or “I hate you very much”, or “You love my brother/sister more than me”.
Do you hear such words from your grown child’s mouth? If your answer is yes, it may have felt like a cold spear slowly piercing through your heart. But, these horrific acts are not just limited to words. Unfortunately for you, words are not the only way you could get a broken heart because of your child.
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Words cut deeper than a knife, but your child’s inappropriate actions can have the same impact on you too. It is also difficult to deal with a disrespectful grown child. Some of the immoral activities that symbolize when your grown child breaks your heart are as follows:
- Getting indulged in smoking, alcohol, or drugs.
- Involved in physical fights, bullying, harassment, sexual misconduct, robbery, and theft.
- Becoming aggressive and violent with family members.
- Getting involved in illegal trade, drug deals, crimes, etc.
If you find your child enrolling in such activities, you should not take the situation lightly. Some of these activities are deemed punishable offenses by the government. It can be a frightening moment to find your child guilty of doing these types of actions. When this happens, you might get infuriated and disappointed at the same time.
Then, you start seeking answers to the questions you have.
Questions that May Arise in your Mind
It is normal for you to wonder why your grown-up child ends up doing things that you are most scared of. You may also start asking yourself questions like: “Did I raise my child the right way?” or “I always provided him with everything he needed, but why is he turning out to be this way?”.
You and your partner may also contemplate these questions together. But you won’t find the answers to your worries. Don’t think more as it lets you put more blame on yourself. It is an unpleasant part of your parenting life that you must confront. But, there are some ways to deal with problems as such.
What to do When Your Grown Child Breaks Your Heart?
There is a huge difference between looking after a little child and a grown-up child. A little child is under your control and dependent on your commands and parenting guides. However, a grown-up child is different. They are harder to understand, and the worst part is you can’t make them open up like when they were children. So, it is a tough job at hand.
So, how do you cope with a situation in which your grown child breaks your heart? It would be a very bad idea to be stagnant and do nothing while there’s a problem knocking on your door, right?
You should acknowledge it as a problem since you find yourself in a situation you don’t want to be in. The best way to find a solution is to scrutinize a problem from a radical viewpoint.
1. Have an Intimate Conversation
Do not jump to conclusions when your grown child breaks your heart. Start a deep conversation with your grown child. It can be very effective while handling family life matters. Think of it; we’ve all done it on many occasions.
After all, it is your child whom you’ve nurtured and looked after since their childhood. You know them better than anyone. Thus, it is logical to sit down and talk deeply with your children. The key point is trying to understand the situation from their perspective.
Your child’s thinking pattern, values, and expectations alter as they grow up. So, the dynamics of the conversation with your grown child should transition as well. Start by conversing with your grown child as a friend trying to help. Without putting any physical or mental pressure, try to get the answers to the questions you have.
You won’t get much from a one-sided conversation where your child won’t open up and end up hurting their parents. So, you must try to conduct a two-way conversation. Aim to achieve a chat where you share each other’s thoughts.
2. Let your Child Pour out their Feelings and Thoughts.
Ask your child why they are performing such actions. There must be a reason behind it, right? Why do you need to communicate with your child? In many situations, your child may unfold subjects like:
- A bad parenting approach that you’re implementing impacts child development.
- Failing to keep up with unrealistic disciplinary measures.
- Doing something out of desperation or pressure.
- Your child may also open up going through a tough time dealing with various issues like:
- Getting bullied, harassed, assaulted.
- Common mental adversities like Anxiety, Depression, Post-traumatic stress disorder, Bipolar disorder, and others.
Your adult child is at an age where he may also face issues related to:
- Failed friendships and relationships.
- Failed career or studies.
- Not able to meet high expectations.
- College debts.
- Scarcity of employment opportunities.
So, as a parent, you should step in to find out exactly what they need help with if your children break your heart often.
3. Review your Parenting Approach
Have you ever made a bad decision for your child and then realized that you shouldn’t have done that later? Have you ever felt like you have become a bit too dictatorial on your grown child? Has your child or other family members questioned your parenting methods before?
In such a case, it’s better to review your parenting approach before making any judgment. The fault can lie in your way of treating and parenting your child.
Here are some basic examples of bad parenting measures:
- Being overprotective or being under protective.
- Implementing rigid disciplinary measures or implementing no structural discipline at all.
- Showing little affection and care.
- Threatening your child with bad words or physical violence.
- Embarrassing your child in front of others.
- Not visiting or meeting your child often.
- Prioritizing one child over the other.
- Spoiling your child with money and materialistic stuff or not providing him enough.
- Confining your child within the house or letting your child free to roam.
- Criticize your child for their flaws and mistakes.
- Judging your child by comparing them with others.
Have you been applying some of these parenting measures? If yes, then it is more likely that your child could do things against you at some point. So, you need to balance being a strict parent and being an easy-going parent.
Making subtle changes to your parenting methods could greatly impact your grown child. It can encourage your child to avoid actions that would end up hurting you.
4. Set up a Moral Boundary
A grown-up child learns the importance of moral knowledge from their early days. Your grown child might get overwhelmed by those teachings and suggestions of yours. Your child’s teachers, mentors, other family members, and friends add on to that advice too.
But, you should never stop encouraging them to do what is right. Also, the key is to give them the reasoning on why they should do it. Your grown-up child could have difficulty keeping up with the right-minded acts they used to follow as children.
As your child grows up, they get access to:
- Social interactions, Parties, and Occasions.
- Personal cell phones, Social media, and The Internet.
These things can prompt them to do many inappropriate activities. You do not have to worry about your grown child stumbling over when playing in the back garden. But, you have to worry about whether they will stumble over some improper actions or not.
Thus, you must always set up a moral boundary on what your child can do and can’t do. Generally, fill up the “can’t do’s” category with activities that are wrong by moral standards. Do not resort to violence or disputes to keep your adult children within the moral boundary. You can perform the following actions instead:
- Monitoring their habits and routines.
- Setting up sensible disciplinary measures.
- Arranging some leisure time.
- Communicate with your child regularly.
- Making time for them.
- Rewarding them for good actions that they take.
- Encouraging them to perform kind and compassionate activities.
- Becoming someone they can look up to.
It’s okay to seek help!
You might feel hesitant when seeking help from others on a family matter. But, there is no reason to feel so. People close to you would love to offer some help and guidance from their side. It is refreshing to listen to what others say about the situation.
You can talk to other parents as well. Who knows, they might have overcome a similar situation too! If that’s the case, ask what measures they followed to overcome the problem. Sometimes, you might have difficulties sharing your predicament with others. Thus, you can visit websites like Reddit, Quora, and Yahoo.
You can specifically type in your questions and seek answers. People from all around the globe offer help through their comments(answers). The answers are based on their experience, expertise, and studies.
You can try and implement their suggestions to resolve your problems especially when your grown child breaks your heart. You can also communicate with the users if you have any further queries.
5. Give Family Life Therapy a Try
You and your adult children can also opt to visit a therapist and open up about all the problems. Good therapy sessions can help underline the shortcomings of both you and your child. The benefits of therapies are not only limited to that. It’s countless!
You will learn a specific method to apply when facing a specific problem with your grown child. It will not only help you to resolve your problems but also strengthen your family relationship.
It may be sad to experience your grown child hurting your feelings. But expressing yourself and talking it out could be an effective approach for you to take. A grown child is more than capable of understanding the situation as well. You must also remember that it is not their motive to hurt us.
Again, it may not be a single reason behind the actions of your grown child. When your grown child breaks your heart, there can be various circumstances. Lack of communication, implementing the wrong parenting measures, not paying much attention to your child’s actions, or not caring about your child’s wants and needs are some of the issues.
Whatever the reason might be, as a parent, it is up to you to figure out what went wrong and try to resolve it. Most parents are likely to confront this situation at some point in their parenting life. So, you shouldn’t be too pessimistic about it.
Hence, you need to first figure out what has gone wrong and then figure out ways to make that right. Everyone encourages a healthy parent-child relationship. I hope the methods mentioned above will come in handy for you.
Also Read: An Active Family Is A Healthy Family
Also Read: Parenting Guides