Shelly Lefkoe is co-founder and Vice President of the Lefkoe Institute, and the founder and President of the Possibilities of Parenting Center (POPC). After working with thousands of people worldwide, Shelly discovered that underlying virtually all problems that we face are negative beliefs about ourselves and life that were formed in childhood as a result of our interactions with parents. Beliefs like “I’m not good enough”, “I’ll never get what I want in life”, “Relationships are difficult”, and “I’m powerless”.
Most people don’t realize how our behavior as parents is leading our children to form negative beliefs. Shelley and her husband find the source of the incorrect actions and seek to change them.
Shelly encourages parents to:
- Be innovative in their parenting
- Reflect upon how their words and actions affect their children
- Ask themselves “What will my child conclude if I do this?” – Affecting their belief system
- Ask themselves “How am I treating my child today?” – Affecting how they will act out later in life
- Change how they view parenting
- Old Mindset – “I’m just a stay at home mom.”
- New Mindset – “How do I raise a successful human being?”
- Give guidance – Not just consequences
- Teach children that standing up for their own values will gain them respect
- Explain the reason for an instruction or rule
- Teach the children to ask themselves questions to help them make good choices
- When your child is a teenager and they are at a party where the designated driver has had a drink, do you want your child to ask herself “What will people think if I don’t get into the car?” or “What might the consequences be if I get into the car?”
- Acknowledge specific actions that are positive
- Ask specific questions
- Did anything happen that thrilled you today?
- Did anything happen that upset you today?
- Offer choices so the kids feel like they have some control
- Example: “Would you like a bath first or to read a book together?” “If you put your shoes on quickly we can get out of the house early and stop for ice cream on the way home.”
- Infuse humor into instruction
- Instead of “Brush your teeth” say “If you don’t brush your teeth, you will not have any teeth left and you will look funny without teeth.”
To find out more tips on how not to sabotage your children’s happiness and success go to http://www.GreatParentingShow.com/shelly
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