Many parents have no idea how much power tears have in helping their kids become resilient, competent people. When my children were young I had the good fortune to learn about this important psychological ally from Dr. Gordon Neufeld, best-selling author of Hold on to Your Kids. Instead of trying to get my kids to cry, I learned to encourage healthy tears when appropriate, and that, as they say, has made all the difference in my parenting.

For kids to adapt to what isn’t working in their life, they need to feel their sorrow, which more often than not when they are small, involves tears. Sometimes kids get stuck developmentally and they don’t feel their sadness or have their tears. The sad thing is that when kids lose their tears, they aren’t able to learn from what isn’t working for them, and are often destined to repeat the same mistakes over and over. (more…)