“Thank you for ALL the fabulous information to help me be a more loving, positive, connected parent!  This has increased my capacity to love and accept each moment with my son!  WHAT A GIFT!  Thank you!” – Kara

As the founder of Positive Parenting Solutions and author of If I Have to Tell You One More Time:  The Revolutionary Program That Gets Your Kids to Listen Without Nagging, Reminding or Yelling, parenting expert Amy McCready brings a ray of hope to parents seeking to improve their parenting skills.  Promoting positive techniques for parenting, she has enabled thousands to use strategies that have empowered them to correct behaviors in their children without nagging, reminding, or yelling.

As a self-proclaimed “recovering yeller”, Amy set out to develop a systematic process that gives parents the tools they need to parent in a calm manner. Her goal is to help parents create a fabulous relationship with their child so they can enjoy each stage of their child’s life.

Amy believes that the best strategy for creating a peaceful home is to have a Mind/Body/Soul time. For ten minutes the parent’s total attention is devoted to the child.  The activity chosen for this time should be something that interests the child and allows for some interaction.

According to Amy, children have two basic needs:

• Attention from their parents.  One-on-one time fills this need.
• Some power or control over parts of their life.  Giving small areas of responsibility and control helps them feel like they are a valuable member of the family.

It is Amy’s sincere desire that parents will be able to take the tools she gives them and use them to improve their relationships with their children.  By looking at the root of the problem and addressing the underlying issue, a parent can achieve the desired result of parenting without nagging, reminding and yelling.

One tool that Amy suggests for the consequences of misbehavior are the 5 R’s:

• Respectful to both child and parent
• Related to the negative behavior (if the bike helmet wasn’t worn, then restriction from riding the bike for awhile is in order)
• Reasonable in duration (based on child’s age)
• Revealed in advance (child should know what consequence will come for what offense)
• Repeated back (kids repeat back the rule and consequence to check for understanding)

To find out how to get kids to listen without nagging, reminding, or yelling go to http://www.GreatParentingShow.com/amy

Click here to listen to the replay of the interview.

If the replay has expired, feel free to sign up to listen to the rest of the series and access the replays when they are opened up again. Sign up for The Great Parenting Show interviews here: www.GreatParentingShow.com

Several listeners had great things to say about the interview:

“I love the idea of spending one on one time with each child. Times where I have been able to spend that one on one time with my child has made a huge difference in the day. You really made this real for me in that I realized that each child of mine has a way to either get that attention or power. I can see this now! I also love the 5 R’s for a good consequence. We try to teach our children about choices and consequences but this really helps to get us back on track. So that I know I am truly teaching instead of scolding.”  – Enrique

“I love one-on-one time in the car with my kids, especially the teens. I have a captive audience, little distraction, and quiet. I learn more from those times about their lives than any other time. It’s the sad part of them getting their licenses….car time is greatly reduced!” – Terrie

“Thank you for this show today! I plan to start the mind body and soul time today! I stay at home with my 3 kids and am well aware that quantity of time is not always quality. Along with helping them feel their needs are met, I think another benefit will be that I will feel better about my parenting knowing that I am proactively making each of them feel special. Much of my frustration during the day is from self -judgment and feeling like I am being reactive.”  – Rachel

“Bryan’s energy is so contagious! His explanation is so clear and understandable I firmly believe this is going to drastically change my family! We have been under a lot of stress this year and it is showing in the kids. Now I can see how to get past this. A million thanks!” – Meaghan from Ontario, Canada

Parenting a child with extreme behaviors can be daunting.  Bryan Post, as Founder and CEO of the Post Institute for Family-Centered Therapy based in Virginia Beach,VA, tackles the problem of parenting a child with extreme behaviors. Bryan has traveled all over the world providing consultation and treatment as a renowned clinician, lecturer, and author.  He works with children, adults, and families who struggle with trauma from early life that effects their mind-body development.

Bryan believes that:

• Dynamics in the family play out in relationships in the greater world
• By improving family relationships, the world will become a better place to live
• The “old-school” method was based on causing fear in our children
• Parents should focus on the cause of the negative behavior, such as fear and stress
• Building a positive and secure atmosphere will eliminate the need for the antisocial behavior
• In a supportive atmosphere, the child will become emotionally strong

Bryan’s Method for Parents to Deal with Negative Behavior:

• Take 3-10 deep breaths before responding to negative behavior
• Tell yourself “My child is afraid right now.”
• Look at your child and put your hand on his or her shoulder
• Tell the child “You are going to be okay.”
• Walk away (this gives the child time to calm down and relax)
• After the child is calm, tell him “When you tell me a lie, it scares me.  It makes me sad.  It makes me feel like you don’t trust me.  I need you to know that you are going to be okay.”

Bryan believes that parenting a child with extreme behaviors is a process.  Parents can positively affect the outcome of a child emotionally by providing a secure environment where the negative behavior becomes unnecessary.  This will result in a decrease in the anti-social behavior and help to produce a healthy adult.  The emotionally stable adult will then bring this same healing quality to society at large.

To find out how to parent a child with extreme behaviors go to http://www.GreatParentingShow.com/bryan

Click here to listen to the replay of the interview.

If the replay has expired, feel free to sign up to listen to the rest of the series and access the replays when they are opened up again. Sign up for The Great Parenting Show interviews here: www.GreatParentingShow.com

Bryan Post has inspired some parents to say:

“Bryan’s energy is contagious!  I am inspired by his words and it has reinforced my beliefs about Parenting.  Thank you Bryan, you are a blessing to families everywhere.  Thank you Jacqueline for giving your time and energy to bring us this information so we can change our parenting paradigm. – Nuala  from Ireland

“That’s so great ‘ignore the lie not the child’.  Wow this is such new and great information.  For my parents and teacher in both Pitter Patter Feet Community, Facebook, and Family Strength Associates definitely sign up for this series at http://www.GreatParentingShow.com  – D’Tarelle Tullis, Owner of Pitter Patter Feet

“Wow.  Wish my husband could be hearing this now.  This is so helpful to know.  Hits the nail on the head, really.  Thank you.”   – Andrea

Shelly Lefkoe is co-founder and Vice President of the Lefkoe Institute, and the founder and President of the Possibilities of Parenting Center (POPC). After working with thousands of people worldwide, Shelly discovered that underlying virtually all problems that we face are negative beliefs about ourselves and life that were formed in childhood as a result of our interactions with parents. Beliefs like “I’m not good enough”, “I’ll never get what I want in life”, “Relationships are difficult”, and “I’m powerless”.

Most people don’t realize how our behavior as parents is leading our children to form negative beliefs. Shelley and her husband find the source of the incorrect actions and seek to change them.

Shelly encourages parents to:

• Be innovative in their parenting
• Reflect upon how their words  and actions affect their children
  • Ask themselves “What will my child conclude if I do this?” – Affecting their belief system
  • Ask themselves “How am I treating my child today?” – Affecting how they will act out later in life
• Change how they view parenting
  • Old Mindset – “I’m just a stay at home mom.”
  • New Mindset – “How do I raise a successful human being?”
• Give guidance – Not just consequences
  • Teach children that standing up for their own values will gain them respect
  • Explain the reason for an instruction or rule
  • Teach the children to ask themselves questions to help them make good choices
    • When your child is a teenager and they are at a party where the designated driver has had a drink, do you want your child to ask herself  “What will people think if I don’t get into the car?” or  “What might the consequences be if I get into the car?”
  • Acknowledge specific actions that are positive
  • Ask specific questions
    • Did anything happen that thrilled you today?
    • Did anything happen that upset you today?
  • Offer choices so the kids feel like they have some control
    • Example:  “Would you like a bath first or to read a book together?” “If you put your shoes on quickly we can get out of the house early and stop for ice cream on the way home.”
• Infuse humor into instruction
  • Instead of “Brush your teeth” say “If you don’t brush your teeth, you will not have any teeth left and you will look funny without teeth.”

To find out more tips on how not to sabotage your children’s happiness and success go to http://www.GreatParentingShow.com/shelly

Click here to listen to the replay of the interview.

If the replay has expired, feel free to sign up to listen to the rest of the series and access the replays when they are opened up again. Sign up for The Great Parenting Show interviews here: www.GreatParentingShow.com

I am so excited! The spring Great Parenting Show  starts on Tuesday, March 13. We have the most amazing lineup of top parenting experts and once again, it is all free for you to listen to! We have great prizes to win, and a strong, supportive community of parents who like you, want the best for your kids and know that we can’t know it all. Life if too complex for us to know all that we need to be the best parent possible, and you are too busy to hunt down the information you need. So we’ve brought the most critical parenting information to you in the comfort of your home, for the next 3 months.

Get access to the help you need here.

Imagine knowing how to:

• Get your child to sleep, whether you have a baby, toddler or teen, so that you don’t have to see what sleep deprivation will do to you!
• Be at your best physically so you have the energy to run after your children.
• If you are divorced or separated, avoid marrying the same person again, and how to guide your children through the process.
• Create or maintain the relationship of your dreams, even if prince charming is looking fairly froggy.  (insert picture of frog with a crown?)
• Thrive even if you have extremely challenging kids with behaviours like lying, stealing, defiance and aggression.
• Feed your children nutritiously, even if you have a picky eater who will only eat the dreaded mac and cheese and chicken nuggets!
• Make parenting easier, avoid power struggles and have more fun NOW, WITHOUT sabotaging your children’s future success and happiness! It’s not hard, and the results are truly amazing.
• Get kids to listen without nagging, reminding or yelling
• Go from  overwhelmed and cranky to calm and joyfully in control
• Have a more confident, healthier and smarter child.
• How to transform stress and anxiety into joy and success for your child.
• Apply a revolutionary approach for parenting children with special needs,
• Avoid the painful failure to launch syndrome by making sure your child has all the skills, including financial and coping skills!

To find out more and join the community, click here!

I just watched the video where a dad, Tommy Jordan, frustrated, angry and hurt about his daughter’s rebellious and rude post on Facebook, shoots his daughter’s laptop. I was asked by a parent in our community to give my thoughts on the video, and I’m grateful that she asked. It’s a topic that affects most of us, so here are my thoughts, and the tips on parenting that can be gained from a discussion of what happened.

Here’s the Cole’s Notes of my opinion of his behavior:

1. Like too many parents, he is in a very frustrating situation that should not be tolerated.
2. He’s the parent, and therefore needs to take at least 50% responsibility for creating the situation (I see him taking 0%).
3. There are assertive ways to draw appropriate boundaries, which serve to strengthen relationships, not aggressively establish who is powerful, while alienating our children who we’ve relegated to powerless. As parents we are called to be great leaders, not just aggressive dictators.

Now for the longer response.

First, I have empathy for a VERY frustrated dad! Unfortunately, one of the reasons that his post went viral instantly is millions of parents can relate to feeling that their children are way over empowered. His daughter’s snarky remarks were totally out of line, and the fact that she posted them publicly on Facebook after all that he was doing for her, would trigger anger in most of us.

Unfortunately, our society has way too many models of people blowing up, and acting from that rage and anger. Although he was calm, he was definitely angry. It would have felt amazing to shoot her laptop out of self-justified anger. However, it was a reactive move that amongst other things cost the father money and made the time he’d spent fixing the computer in the first place a complete waste of time. The bigger issue though is what did she take away from it all.

Ultimately, Hanna, the daughter learned a lot from that incident. Some of the lessons, like the importance of being respectful, and not taking fights into the public arena, are goals we all want our kids to learn. Other lessons she learned are much more dubious. Like, if you are having a conflict with someone, and they cross a major line, it is fine to jump across the line too, take the conflict public and act from a reactive state, not a loving and reflective one.

No doubt about it, Hanna has MAJOR entitlement issues. Tommy is clearly an upstanding citizen, but somehow, he had a disconnect. He is her father, and it is his job to teach her right from wrong. In the video, and what I’ve read since, he has failed to take the ultimate responsibility that all parents have, and that is for raising her that way! She did not become over-entitled in a parental vacuum! He and his wife had over and over again allowed her to do and say things that were not respectful.

The reason our kids aren’t responsible and respectful anymore is because we as a society are catering to our kids needs and not setting firm, (not aggressive) limits. Allowing our children to repeat mistakes over and over and then shooting their laptops when we blow up is not responsible parenting, despite how out of line she was. It is responsible (although not always easy) to ask in the midst of such an emotional situation, “Wow. How on earth did I raise a girl who thought this could be okay?” That question would have taken him down a completely different path.

No doubt about it, Hanna needed to be reined in. No doubt about it also though is that Hanna is a product of parents who are, like millions of others nowadays, confused about assertiveness and how to educate our kids, including setting firm boundaries. The parents who raised Tommy did not have this issue, and hence he wouldn’t have dreamed of being so disrespectful.

The tragedy of the video is that although Hanna didn’t ask to be born to parents who struggle with appropriate guidelines with their kids, she is taking 100% of the blame for the way she has been raised. Tommy seems like a reasonable man, and I think that if he fully gets that he has offloaded his parenting issue onto Hanna, he’ll make a different choice, one that has him loving guiding her instead of reactively blowing up possessions that he bought her in the first place.

Just before ending, I want to post a comment that Tommy posted on his Facebook page (it is open to the public at http://www.facebook.com/tommyjordaniii/posts/299559803434210).

Modern” parenting raises ill-prepared kids who can’t do anything and have no skills because they’re protected from even LEARNING them until 18 years old, at which time you want us parents to throw them out into the world, send them off to college, and expect them to be productive members of society? You can take your “modern” parenting, and shove it. Jeezus people. Half of you think chores at 15 are too much! God forbid we make them actually WORK too!

Although Tommy does see that she is a product of a modern issue, he doesn’t seem to see that he is an active part of the problem. The very act of shooting her computer plants him firmly in the camp of modern parents who don’t set appropriate limits and then overreact. Traditional parents who have appropriate, firm boundaries never have to deal with inappropriate actions like Hanna’s.

I will end with acknowledging what a huge issue Tommy has addressed through his video.  Millions of people, not just parents, are now discussing the serious issue of how we are raising our children. That’s good for all of us, including our children.

Our kids are actually suffering greatly by our lack of limits, and most of us instinctually know that. Setting firm and nurturing boundaries on our children’s behavior is very possible to do, and many modern parents have found a way to be the guide that their children need. Yet even more parents struggle with how to appropriately set limits.

I hope that Tommy’s video inspires millions of people to be the positive role model that they can be for our children on how to assertively deal with conflict. The world will be a much more peaceful place if we take this event and use it to discuss the difference between assertiveness and aggression. The most successful people in life are those who have mastered the art of being assertive, and that teaching can begin in the home.

Far too few people know how to firmly ask for what they want and need in relationships, hence the crowd of people cheering Tommy on. That fact is also reflected in our high divorce rate. He’s right that a boundary needed to be made, and with some education, he and millions of other parents can learn how to draw a line in the sand without a gun or any other aggressive means. We have so much power within us, and when we appropriately set boundaries, we not only raise happier kids, but we pass on the gift of assertiveness to them as well.

Lori Petro is a Mom, Writer/Speaker & Child Advocate. In 2002, she founded TEACH through Love, a child advocacy organization and educational resource with the desire to help spread awareness of verbal and emotional abuse. She consults with parents, teachers and local community organizations to share her knowledge and understanding of conscious, unconditional parenting and non- punitive discipline.

Pam Young is co-author of the best-selling book Sidetracked Home Executives: from Pigpen to Paradise, which has sold over a million copies and is still in book stores after three decades. She teaches with humor and insight and her audiences take away strategies and practical steps to self-improvement in whatever area they choose.

Pam encourages all families to get organized. But, the reason to get organized is not just to have a clean house. She has found that the more organized you are, the more habits and routines you have in place, the more time you have to spend with your kids.

Here are some of Pam’s tips for getting organized:

1. Start with a list of what has to be done in your house.

2. Ask yourself  how often do you want to do each thing on the list.

3. Look at the calendar first thing each morning to see what the priorities are for the day. Do the most important tasks first.

4. Use a 3×5 card file system. Use one card per task. File the card when the task is completed.

5. For kids, use 3×5 cards with pictures of tasks (brush your teeth, make your bed, comb your hair, take out the trash).

6. Use a tickler file for days of the month.

7. Write down a weekly plan. Assign a day for: “errand day”, “desk day”, “cleaning day”, “free day”, etc.

8. Break your house into zones: kitchen, bathroom, master bedroom, living room, dining room. Tackle one zone per week.

When asked “How do we teach kids to maintain a clean room?” Pam replied:

1. Teach them consistency through routines.

2. Get rid of extra clothes and toys. Don’t allow more toys to come into the room until they give up some toys.

3. Create a “House Fairy” for kids aged 3-10  Tell your children, “If you clean your room the “house fairy” might come by and leave you a surprise.”

“Thank you so much, Susan. Your advice was very helpful. It felt as if you knew my child personally and talked about him.” ~ Ruta Reckart

Susan Stiffelman is dedicated to helping parents raise kids who are joyful, resilient and authentically themselves — without power struggles, negotiations, meltdowns and the various other thieves of joy that can interfere with a parent’s ability to enjoy the journey of parenthood.

A child has a profound need to have someone be in charge. Parents need to accept the role of being “captain of the ship” in their child’s life. If a parent is reacting to a child with their emotions, that is a signal that the child has the upper hand in the situation.

Susan talks about two stages of parenting, Act 1 and Act 2.  Act 1 parenting is when parents appeal to the child’s right brain (emotions). They use the phrase “What was that like for you?” This gives the child a chance to vent so he feels heard and understood. Act 2 parenting is when parents appeal to the child’s left brain (rational, logical side).

Children are looking for someone to comfort and reassure them when they are going through a hard time. When a child is frustrated Susan recommends doing the following:

1. Imagine that they are on a road. There are two possible outcomes: the child will accept the situation or the child will resist and act out.

2. You want to get 3 nods from the child (which shows that you are acknowledging the feelings that the child has).

3. Recognize that the child is going through the Kübler-Ross five stages of grief when they don’t get their way.

1. Denial — “This can’t be happening to me.”
2. Anger — “Why me? It’s not fair!”
3. Bargaining — “I’ll do anything you want”
4. Depression — “I’m so sad”
5. Acceptance — “It’s going to be okay.”

Satyen Raja circles the globe, offering a full spectrum of experiential trainings with his wife Suzanne creating passionate love between couples. Satyen and Suzanne’s multi-cultural backgrounds and extensive study and travel combine to create an irresistible approach to living. Their joint passion is to share this approach, helping others create spectacular lives.

Satyen and Suzanne believe that the number one problem facing parents today is that parents are losing passion with each other because of all the things they have to do in their life. They are also putting their children’s needs ahead of each other’s needs. To give your children the best life possible, you need to nurture your relationship with your spouse.

Suzanne says there are two things in her life: number one is her husband, number two is her children. In that order. If you want to give your children everything, you can’t deplete yourself. The place where you get replenished is with your partner. You have to have playtime with your partner.

According to Suzanne, if you love your man, you have to love his mama. Her relationship with her in-laws has not always been easy. By changing her mindset she was able to create a positive relationship with them. Here are her recommendations on how to get along well with your in-laws.

• Be grateful that your in-laws brought your spouse into the world.
• Decide to honor and love your in-laws until they can no longer resist you.
• Don’t take it personal. Realize that your husband’s mother is feeling conflicted because she now has a different role in her son’s life.
• Show your in-laws that you are on their side.
• Always respect your in-laws, even when you don’t agree with them.

Love and a deep, unifying relationship is so important. As you put your partner first in your life, your children will have an excellent model for marriage as well as a happy home life.

Click here to listen to the replay of the interview.

To learn techniques that will improve the quality of your life, clear your mind, relax your stress, and improve your relationships go to www.GreatParentingShow.com/satyen